Have you ever seen your friend get a new partner and there is something you just can’t stand, but can’t put your finger on? Sometimes they end up breaking up, but other times they produce a ring – that’s when things get tough. Now it is time to decide what to do if you think your friend is about to tie the knot with Mr. or Mrs. Wrong.
Timing is key
When approaching the subject, it’s important to remember that the earlier you bring your issues up, the easier it will be for the pair of you. The last thing your friend will appreciate is waiting until the night before the big day before you tell them you feel as though they may not be best suited. As soon as you think you can’t hold back your reservations – get them out in the open.
Read the conversation
Your friend may bring up the fact they have been having doubts about their relationship. Although this isn’t great, it can be the perfect place to start getting your point across. The thing to remember is to ask open-ended questions that voice your concerns by letting your friend describe what is wrong. Just remember to mention how you are there for them during this challenging time.
Keep the list short
There could be a million and one reasons you don’t like your friend’s partner – like that knuckle cracking or overspending – but it’s vital to keep the list of reasons you feel they’re not a match to a minimum. Your friend will probably head on the defensive if you start reeling off everything that they do wrong. Instead, stick to the main points that you know your friend will probably agree with.
Remember who’s marrying who
Even though you may find your friend’s fiance intolerable, you must remember that it isn’t you that’s about to walk down the aisle and say “I do”. There could be things about their partner that you don’t see because you aren’t in a relationship. It’s also not going to be you that is waking up next to them for the rest of your life. If you feel they aren’t matched, take a step back and think about the reasons why that may be.
Listening is key
While you may have all these issues laid out in your head, don’t forget that you need to listen to what your friend has to say. The chances are they may have already thought about all the problems you have. Then again, they may feel completely differently and have valid reasons to back up their feelings. You’ll never know unless you stop to have a listen.
Accept the repercussions
You may feel as though you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from this conversation, but take a minute to think about what this could do to your own relationship. Will your friend take kindly to all the things you have to say about their fiance, or will they take it as a personal attack? Plus, if your friend goes ahead with the wedding anyway, it could cause an issue later down the line which could ultimately see you lose your friend.
This conversation may be hard, but it could also be worth it. You just have to be sure that your reasons for bringing up the imperfections are to benefit your friend and not because you have your own issues. Either way, you could be about to save your friend before it’s too late!
